He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
