I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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