ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
