Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
