this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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