I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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