my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
