So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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