fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
