I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
