So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
