Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
