I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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