I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
