My Higher Power is John Stamos
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
