don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
