Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
