I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
