I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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