I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
