Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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