Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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