Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
