So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
