he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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