Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
