I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you will always have a special place in my vag
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
