I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
