There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
