Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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