he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
