Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
