That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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