dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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