Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
