please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
