Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
