I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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