I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
