she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
