Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
