i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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