This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
