I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
