break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
