is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
