he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
