My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
