We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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