I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Are we in a gay sports bar?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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