dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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