im about as happy as oj after his trial
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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