i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
