did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
