youre lurking in front of me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
