he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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