It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
