I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You're a waste of cheezeits
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
